My new best friend

Sitting in a home office writing stuff can get lonely. No, let me rephrase that. Many people think that sitting in a home office writing stuff can get lonely and by many people I mean the rest of my family. They’ve been dropping a lot of hints about friendship lately, how nice it is to make friends, and how I should get out more.

Well, see, I don’t make friends. I buy them. And I only go for the best.

And who’s man’s best friend? Who? Whoooooo’s man’s best frieeeeend, come here, boy!

That’s right. A dog.

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A few ideas for a poem

Ideas for a poem

First day of school
Last day of summer break
That popular band from Liverpool
Cheeseburgers at Harlem Shake

The soft skin of a maiden
Why love conquers hate
Our vacation in Aspen
Why buses are always late

The greatest book ever written
A pirate captain with a wooden leg
How Great Britain became just Britain
Eleven ways to cook the perfect egg

iPhone battery issues
My brand new haircut
What to do with used tissues
Jabba the Hutt

(Inspired by “Grownups read things they wrote as kids”)

Year updated to “2017”

NEW YORK – It was worth all the hype. Just hours after its launch, “2017”, the latest version of Year, a life experience interface, has collected over seven billion users, making it the most popular Year in history.

Year has managed to add new users in most of its existing markets, a feat not many analysts thought was going to be possible. Also, while Year has dominated the global marketplace, it hasn’t always been embraced by the Chinese, leaving one of the biggest markets untapped, but “2017” seems to have broken that barrier.

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Nick of Time

It was just another Friday night. Or late afternoon, to be exact, but all I had on my mind was Friday night. It had been a rough week, and I had managed to put together a real nice string of them lately. It was the eighth rough week in a row – not that I was counting.

My landlord was, though, which is why I was trying to get out of the office in the afternoon, and hit the downstairs bar before he’d show up to collect the rent. He says it’s six weeks late. Some people have no patience.

Merry Xmas, punk!

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25 reasons why Bob Dylan hasn’t gotten back to the Swedish Academy

“Days after being awarded the literature prize, Bob Dylan has yet to get in touch with the Swedish Academy, or indicate whether he will attend the celebrations.”
– The Guardian, Oct 17, 2016

Swedes! Who do they think they are, thinking that a guy will roll out of bed in the middle of the night just to pick up the phone. Or that he’ll return the call right after he wakes up. Or the next day. It’s not like the world revolves around the Nobel Prize, you know. Here are 25 things that could have kept Bob Dylan from getting back to the Swedish Academy.

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King of Sweden

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Dad jokes dadsplained

About 53 percent of searches Americans make for jokes are for light or corny jokes — searches like “fun jokes,” “kids jokes” or “dad jokes.’”
New York Times, May 14, 2016

Hey kids,

Dad jokes are the best, don’tcha think? You know that nothing makes me laugh like dad jokes, because they’re always funny, because dads rock – oh yeah! – and because they’re mine.

But you already know dad jokes are the best, that’s why you spend so much time on Google, searching for dad jokes, and I can only assume that you do it to “snap” them to your buddies. But while Google is fine for basic research, it’s got its limitations so for true understanding of dad jokes you need to get it from dad. And here I am.

How do you come up with your dad jokes, you ask? How can dad always be so funny? What is a great dad joke? Glad you asked. Let me me dadsplain them to you.

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