Faster than the speed of light

Nothing is a fast as a human brain, except a human brain a moment before an accident is about to happen. The number of different ideas that go through one’s mind in fractions of a second when, for example, one’s earphones seem to be on their way down the toilet.

Time lapsed (in seconds): 0.03
“Ouch, ears are reporting slight pain. Eyes, do you have a visual?”

Time lapsed (in seconds): 0.7
“What the hell? Earphones on the loose?”

Time lapsed (in seconds): 0.11
“Uh, oh, they’re on their way down. Dammit, I liked them. Will I have to buy new earphones now? Hmm.. I do have a backup pair somewhere. Maybe I shouldn’t get in-ear phones this time. I wonder if they still make old-time Walkman headphones somewhere.”

Time lapsed (in seconds): 0.19
“I’m pretty sure I have that old Walkman somewhere in the basement. But where … but where? I’m sure Wife knows. She knows everything…”

Time lapsed (in seconds): 0.22
“… except what is inside my boxes which is where my Walkman probably is. Oh, that Walkman, I remember when I got it, and all I did was ride my green bike, listening to Purple Rain. Huh, it’s been a while since I listened to it…

Time lapsed (in seconds): 0.29
“…but I still know the lyrics to it. Funny how that goes. Some things just stick. ‘Puurple raiiiin, purplee raaahaaiinn…’

Time lapsed (in seconds): 0.36
“That Prince show in Stockholm was awesome. Although, he didn’t play Purple Rain, now, did he? What a jerk, really, when you think about it. And Bob Dylan? He had his back against the audience the whole time, not a word to the crowd.”

Time lapsed (in seconds): 0.42
“OMG. They’re about to hit the water!”

Time lapsed: 00:00:50
“It is water, right? Don’t tell me I already peed!”

Time lapsed (in seconds): 0.55
“Nope, just water. All good… sort of. Where’s my phone? Where’s my phone? WHERE’S MY PHONE?”

Time lapsed (in seconds): 0.56
“Awesome! Hand just pulled them up, they barely touched the water … I think. WHERE’S MY PHONE? Did I drop my phone? Did I lose it? I’m always losing things! Dammit! And I bet this time I won’t turn up outside the house the next day like my wallet did that one time at grandma’s place.”

Time lapsed (in seconds): 0.63
“They’re coming back! HEY MY PHONE’S IN MY POCKET! Life is beautiful!”

Time lapsed (in seconds): 0.68
“Life is beautiful, I remember when I watched that movie. I’ve only seen it once. I ate pizza when I watched it. It was really good, and the movie wasn’t bad, either. Then again, you can’t really mess up a pizza, can you?”

Time lapsed (in seconds): 0.71
“I wonder what the worst pizza I ever had was. Have I ever had a bad pizza? Ever? The first pizza I ever had was definitely not the worst one, it was one of the best ones. I had never had a pizza before and I didn’t even know what it was, although I had heard my mom and dad talk about this new fad that had come to Finland and then years later, they took me to a restaurant and told me they had the best pizza in town. The man at the next table ordered a calzone and it looked weird. I’ve never had a calzone. Having said that, there’s no bad pizza. Hey, the Swedes even put taco sauce on a piece of crispbread and sell it in stores as pizza. It’s delicious, of course.”

Time lapsed (in seconds): 0.81
“Swedes!”

Time lapsed (in seconds): 0.84
“I wonder why I hate water. I don’t like to swim, and I don’t really like to shower, either. Not really. I mean, I do it, but I don’t like it. Imagine that. I make myself do something I don’t like every day of my life. I’m such a hero.”

Time lapsed (in seconds): 0.87
“Not every day, though. I should shower today.”

Time lapsed (in seconds): 0.93
“Hey, hands managed to tug the earphones up in time, I don’t think they even touched the water. Not a lot. They were like me, waiting to step into the shower, ha ha ha. They’re safe! They just did a bungee jump.”

Time lapsed (in seconds): 0.96
“That’s something I’d never do. Is that still a thing? Do people still do that? I remember when my cousin did it at a parking lot in a park in Finland. That may have been the zenith of the phenomenon. When regular Finns are doing it at parking lots around the country, it must be downhill from there.”

Time lapsed (in seconds): 0.97
“Downhill! Pun not intended!”

Time lapsed (in seconds): 0.99
“Hey, the earphones landed on the toilet paper holder. Awesome. Have to tell Wife!”

How does that make you feel?