How Life of Brian changed my life

I used to be able to fit a hockey puck in my mouth. Sure, it took some pushing, and I had to pull my lips over with my hands, but at least on that one sunny, spring day, I could do it, and I have witnesses who can back me up.

Well, you may not think that’s anything special.

Tongue twister.

I’m afraid that’s all I got, though. I can’t do magic tricks, or sing, or play a tune on a guitar, just like that. I used to think I had a pretty good grasp on hockey history until I sat down with two colleagues from the International Ice Hockey Federation for dinner, and listened to them replay the entire 1972 Summit Series, game by game, shift by shift. And I could hardly remember who had won the games we had covered that day.

I used to have a breakdance routine I would launch into at bars or parties, but for that, I needed two friends to spin me around while I was on my back on the floor, like a turtle – so maybe that doesn’t count as a neat trick, either.

That said, I may be the last person to tell you what I can do since the things we know how to do don’t seem that special to us. Maybe.

One of the coolest things I learned about Wife early on in our relationship was that she could recite the entire Life of Brian by heart. Every single line of dialogue.

Apparently she had recorded the audio track on a tape and had listened to it over and over again, and that’s how she learned it. And it’s still there, with all the wisdom that the movie offers so she can still reach inside that vault whenever she needs to.

Risto: Hey, when was the last time they plowed the snow around here? Is it really that hard?. One simple thing, and they can’t get it right.
Wife: All right, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?
Wife: Brought peace?
Wife: Oh, peace – shut up!
Wife: There is not one of us who would not gladly suffer death to rid this country of the Romans once and for all.
Wife: Uh, well, one.
Wife: Oh, yeah, yeah, there’s one. But otherwise, we’re solid.

Or

Risto: Have you seen my phone? I’m pretty sure I had it just a second ago?
Wife: We found this spoon, sir.

Or

Risto: No, no. Please, please please listen. I’ve got one or two things to say.
Wife: Tell us! Tell us both of them!

I’m sure she couldn’t have anticipated that one day she’d meet a Finnish guy who thinks that’s adorable. And there I was, and here we are.

Risto: Where was I?
Wife: I think you’d finished.

Oh. Right.

How does that make you feel?