Open letter to the guy on the subway who looked a lot like my buddy but wasn’t

Hey man,

Anybody ever tell you that you look like a lot of people? Not sure what it is, maybe the fact that you’re kind of chubby, but not, in the Colin Firth kind of way, and your hair’s long, but short, and curly but straight, and when you hide behind a magazine like that, you really have just yourself to blame if somebody mistakes you for another person.

Mind the gap.

But, let’s let bygones be bygones, tomorrow’s another day, in fact, today’s still young so why worry about some silly incident on the subway, eh? Oh yeah.

Having said that, I do feel that I owe you a bit of an apology. I scared you, didn’t I? Oh, what a stupid thing to say, and for that I AM sorry. Everybody saw that you were scared. Well, had you been my buddy, you wouldn’t have been scared because you’d known that I’d do a fist bump. We always do. What did you have to start fighting like that for, have you never seen a fist before? And man, when you hit me, I just had to hit back, it’s a reflex, OK? Technically – and I am pretty sure the guy sitting next to you said this out loud, too – you started the fight. You hit me first. I acted in self defense.

Although, I was surprised, too, because at that point, I still thought you were my buddy, especially when you looked up from behind your magazine and smiled. I swear to God I saw you smile. See, that’s when I yelled your name. I thought we had connected so I went, like, “PEEEPEEEEEEEEE!” Granted, the name sounds a little Hispanic, and you don’t, but neither does my buddy, it’s just a name. I think he may be from Turkey. Or Asia. Or Guatemala. Well, one thing’s for sure, your name is not Pepe. What is your name, by the way?

The guy sitting next to you told me later that you probably thought I was a mugger, talking about money like that, and waving my fist. Well, everybody knows that “give me five” does not mean that I’m after some money. Let’s just call it a misunderstanding, and maybe a slight overreaction on your part. You didn’t have to run away like that. I followed you a good ten meters outside the car but you were just too fast, so I turned around and got back in. I was in a hurry to meet another buddy of mine, Sammy, you remember him?

In conclusion, please accept my apologies. It was probably at least 45 percent my fault, and my mother brought me up to bear my responsibility.

Anyway, hope you’re fine, take care, don’t be a stranger!


PS. You dropped your cell phone running so fast, so call me (yourself). I wanna give it back to you.

5 thoughts on “Open letter to the guy on the subway who looked a lot like my buddy but wasn’t

  1. Since I started my new assignment on a large company, I meet people who work there all the time, everywhere. This morning on my bus right outside home. On MY bus! Makes you feel paranoid.

  2. 1. Both punches land?
    2. At least you got a new (used) cellphone out.
    3. Hope this wasn’t a day you were headed to the gym to ‘destress’ while awaiting the results of a business pitch; fisticuffs are notoriously stressful (if they’re landing on you).
    4. You’ve got a friend named Peepee?

  3. I guess you can take the boy out of Finland but you can’t take the Finald out of the boy.

    Once "recognized" friend in a bus station coffee shop. If you have spent any time at all in a North American intercity bus depot you’ll know why
    A- I was delighted to run into some one I "knew"
    B- Why she fled in horror from the stranger who suddenly sat down across from her.

How does that make you feel?