Open Letter to the Renovation Guys

Gentlemen,

Welcome back to our humble home. It’s not always this humble, but ever since the tiny water damage in the upstairs bathroom, we’ve had to make some adjustments.

Make yourself at home, while you’re renovating ours. He he. A little joke there. What’s a little lighthearted banter among friends, right? I really feel like I’ve gotten to know you during the four months it’s taken you to put back the tiles in our eight-square-meter bathroom.

Mi casa es tu casa

Time flies, though, doesn’t it? I’m so used to the stink of the glue and the other stuff you use that I get headaches when I go outside to get some fresh air. And it’s not just me, the kids go out like candles at night, it’s really fascinating to see them just pass out. They sleep so well that I’m sure we couldn’t even get them up in the morning, if you guys didn’t show up at six to bring in your tools before you go for a break.

Anyway, I put on some coffee in the kitchen, and there are some freshly baked cinnamon buns on the counter. Wife baked those for you guys. Extra sugar, extra cinnamon, the way you like’em. Milk’s in the fridge. Now, I know you only take six half-hour coffee breaks, so I hope the 24 buns will be enough, and I know that Jimmy likes to take the breaks in a row at the end of the day, so that he leaves pretty early, right? Noonish? That’s why there are a couple of peanut-butter sandwiches for him, too.

Don’t worry about the dishes. I’ll take care of that. We’ve been eating off paper plates, and walking, running – or driving our car if it’s been a red alert case – to the nearby gas station to use their bathroom, anyway, so I can do the dishes there. (By the way, has anyone seen our car keys? Or car?)

Those Shell people are really nice, we’ve made a lot of new friends there. They even let us take a magazine or two off their shelves when we go to the bathroom.

It’s not bad at all. It is what it is, and it’s all good, boys.

So, keep up the good work but first, enjoy your weekend! See you on Thursday! Wait, it’s an odd week, so the week after that?

Best,
H.E.

One thought on “Open Letter to the Renovation Guys

  1. Those guys are gonna read this (oh, yes, they see your pretensions of superiority, and they know you see yourself as The Writer, but they can read, oh yes they can) and be sooooooooo pissed.

    "Hey, Sven, ‘The Writer’ just posted about us."
    "Yeah, Anders? Whaddide say?"
    "He’s bitching that we don’t do the dishes."
    "He shoulda hired a maid, then, not a work crew."
    "And he’s noticed that Jimmy ain’t here so much after lunch."
    "You mean before lunch?"
    "Well, yeah."
    "So what was his point, then?"
    "Missus Writer baked cinnamon buns."
    "Hey great. Grab me a couple. I’m goin’ on break."

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