Santa’s customer satisfaction survey

Dear Valued Customer,

Thank you for using Santa Claus™ Global Services (SCGS). We hope you had a Santastic™ experience, and that we’ll see you again soon. Before that, though, we’d kindly ask you to fill in our customer satisfaction survey so that we can make your next experience even merrier.

The survey takes only three minutes to complete. Thank you, and ho, ho, ho.

Everything we do is dedicated to improving your customer experience

1. How accurately did the quality and quantity of presents you received correspond with your own perceived niceness/badness?
A. I love you, Santa. You’re perfect – just like me.
B. Seriously, Santa … underwear? What does a guy have to do around here. I know where you live, Santa! (I think).
C. Not at all, I’ve been bad and got what I wanted
D. Not at all, I had been nice and got nothing.

2. How did you find Santa Claus Global Services?
A. A family member told me about it.
B. An Internet search engine
C. Contact with a representative of SCGS earlier this year.
D. They found me.

3. How would you rate the punctuality of delivered services? Did Santa arrive at the estimated time promised on the website?
A. No time was given, and the man just showed up in the middle of our dinner.
B. Was told he’d arrive between 12 and 5 pm, but according to our security data, he had been inside our house at 4 am.
C. No idea, Santa only made delivery, no personal appearance.
D. He got the right day, good enough for me.

4. How would you rate the entertainment value provided by “Santa” of SCGS?
A. Very high, it was a memorable performance, with song and dance, and in several languages.
B. High. It was very suspenseful, but had been even better had we seen Santa Claus.
C. Fairly high, although I hadn’t been told it was going to be participatory. Too much was left for the audience to fill in.
D. It was OK. It was the exact same show as last year, and the year before that, and the year before that. And the year before that.

Next, a few questions about Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donder, Blitzen, and Rudolph.

5. How was Rudolph’s nose light?
A. Not as bright as advertised, I got almost hit by the sleigh when I was on the roof looking for Santa.
B. Better than average compared to the others.
C. Santa’s nose shone brighter.

6. True or false, you’d want to ride a nine-reindeer sleigh to work, too.
A. True.

We’re looking into streamlining our operations, without sacrificing the quality of our services. The following questions will help us optimize our efforts in the travel and delivery department.

7. What is the minimum number of reindeers you’d be willing to accept as a credible engine for Santa’s sleigh?
A. Zero
B. One
C. Five
D. One DeLorean / time machine

8. Which of the reindeers would you not want to see sent off to live on a farm for the rest of his/her life?
A. Rudolph
B. Dancer
C. Vixen
D. No preference. I spent half the day today picking up reindeer droppings from around the house. Don’t care if I never see one again.

9. Would you be willing to allow SCGS to let other companies use its database, Santa’s Book of Names™, and customer information collected by SCGS?
A. Yes, but only information I’ve volunteered to SCGS, the “wish lists”.
B. Yes, but I’d like to pre-approve and edit the information first.
C. Never, my relationship with SCGS is private and personal.
D. Wait? You collect personal data?

10. If you have contacted SCGS customer service, how was the interaction with the operator, the SCGS Extreme Life Force™?
A. Perfect, they seemed to know everything already.
B. They seemed to focus on what I had done, not problems in their own process
C. I tried to get some feedback but it was impossible to get in touch with E.L.F™.
D. I found the E.L.F™ to be obnoxious and intruding. I’m fairly sure they also spied on me .

11. How likely are you to recommend SCGS to others?
A. Highly likely. I love SCGS.
B. Very likely. Old bearded men, reindeer, what’s not to like about it?
C. I might. Will that help me get more presents? If so, yes.
D. Not likely. But it doesn’t matter what I say, because the SCGS is already everywhere.

Don’t forget to complete the survey by clicking “OK” below to make sure the information is saved into our database. Everything we do is dedicated to improving your customer experience.

Thank you, and Merry Christmas!

Santa Claus Global Services

How does that make you feel?