Seven rules for reading the paper

Got this link from a friend of mine today. Excellent piece (by Garrison Keillor), and an idea I can subscribe to.

You know what I’ll do next time I go to that Coffeehouse by George at Odenplan. I’ll probably wear pajamas, too.

1. If you want to make a serious impression, don’t buy one paper, buy three or four. A person walking into Starbucks with four papers folded under his wing is immediately taken for a mogul. If he’s young, he’s a software mogul. If he is unshaven and wearing pajamas under his raincoat, he is an eccentric mogul, perhaps a Mafia kingpin.

2. Take your sweet time opening the paper. You already know what’s in it, boss man, you only read it so you’ll know how much other people know, so there’s no big rush.

3. Once you open it, never look up unless someone speaks your name. Don’t be distracted just because a leggy blonde has crossed the room, leaving a trail of cigarette smoke and Chanel No. 5. You’re the actor so let others be the audience, you be the scene.

4. Scan the front page, check out the headlines, but don’t pore, don’t be a drudge. Be cool. Jump to the sports page, then the comics, then the society page, then editorials. That’s the beauty of the inverted pyramid news story. A glance is usually good enough.

5. Always rip out a story or two and tuck it in your pocket. Not casually, like it was a recipe for meatballs, but with urgency and purpose. This creates an indelible aura of mystery.

6. When you’re done with a paper, clap it shut and toss it aside. (You can’t do that with a laptop.) A gesture of dismissal that says, “Feh! Enough of this pettiness! Onward! To the barricades!”

7. All of this should take no more than 20 minutes.

Happy reading!

How does that make you feel?