Top ten things that tell you that you may be dealing with a Finn:
10. After twenty minutes at the dentist’s waiting room, you realize there’s been another person sitting in the corner all that time.
9. Tell her that you like a Finnish hockey player, and she’ll be so happy she’ll give you a firm handshake.
8. His title is 83 characters long, and takes up both sides of the business card.
7. He thinks knows Santa Claus lives in Finland, and he’s ready to wrestle you for it.
6. He wears his best, and only, pair of Speedos – and only Speedos – on a walk through town.
5. [More silence]
4. He will proudly tell you there are over 200 words for “hangover” in the Finnish language – then gladly suggests you work your way through each one, and takes a sip of Finnish beer.
3. Her [expletive] speech is [expletive] profanity-laden and so [expletive] what, you got a [expletive] problem with that?
2. On December 6, he sits glued to the TV, watching the President of Finland shake hands with decorated Finns, criticizing the Independence Day gala guests’ looks – while sitting on a couch in his underwear.
1. He’s that one silent-when-not-swearing, hockey-loving friend that never left your side.