1. When the Hornblower gets to about 20 meters from the Horseshoe Falls, you will get wet, which is fine but the volume of falling water is such that it pushes so much air at you that you may find it hard to breathe. Tell the others in your group the Niagara Falls are, in a word, breathtaking.
2. Sometimes the thing to do really is the thing to do and that’s why you should eat a bucket of buffalo wings in Buffalo’s Anchor Bar. (Don’t forget to tip).
3. If you come across a Canadian dude at your local rink, and you see he’s holding a bandy stick instead of a hockey stick, go talk to him and help him find a hockey stick. Give him a ride home. Ask him if he wants to play some more hockey with your team, and if he says yes, pick him up with your car and give him a ride afterwards. You’ll become friends and you’ll go to Cancun together, and you’ll meet up somewhere else, and while you won’t see each other for fifteen years, you’re still the only person in the world to call him “Tiger” and you do stay in touch, and before you know it, you pull up in his driveway in Toronto. You both have nice families, and you barbecue and talk and have a great time and you realize how lucky you are to have (Canadian) friends like that.
4. The best way to get rid of the habit of checking social media is to drive in North America, and only use the Tim Hortons and Starbucks wifi to get online. In just three days, your mind will come up with other things to keep itself busy. Paying attention to the traffic, for example.
5. On Toronto’s Harbour Street, there’s the old Toronto Harbor Commission building which in itself may be good to know, but most importantly, try to stay as curious and inquisitive as the 13-year-old boy who points out to you the difference in the spelling of “harbor” on the side of the building and the street sign at the intersection – and also does a Jim Carrey impression.
6. Even if you ate a bucket of wings in Buffalo, you don’t have to eat a 50-pack of the small donuts the Canadians call Timbits. A 20-pack will do just fine. After all, you didn’t choose the “suicidal” sauce in Buffalo, either.
7. Canadians still call bathrooms washrooms.
