Seeing people fall down is funny. It is, admit it. They look so helpless, and out of control, and that’s hilarious. Sure, you don’t want them to dislocate their hips or break their shoulders, but that’s not what you’re thinking when you see a big dude run as fast as he can and then slip and fall into the swimming pool.

I didn’t used to be a slapstick kind of guy, but hearing Wife laugh at all the people falling in movies, and in America’s Funniest Home Videos – why AFV, and not AFHV? – has made me appreciate the genius of looking stupid.

I still like the puns and the witty lines, but I don’t mind if they’re preceded by a guy sliding down a roof on his bare buttocks.

It is only fitting that my most spectacular fall took place when I was falling in love with Wife. Anything to make her laugh. But maybe not as chevalier to take her down with me.

It was a beautiful winter’s day. Cold, but not too cold, the sun was shining, but not too much, the lake was full of skaters, but there was still room for me and Wife. While Wife had heard some of my hockey stories, including the one in which I scored the game winning goal with four seconds remaining (but without the fact that it took place in a minor minor league in Finland), so obviously, I felt some manly pressure, just like on sixth grade when I tried to impress our substitute teacher and didn’t pass the puck once during a school game.

This time, though, I was more mature, so I focused on skating around with Wife. (Then, Girlfriend).

We took it easy, skated around the lake where they – whoever that is – had ploughed a skating track. Three tracks. One short, one long, and one in-between. We chose the small one, and we skated around, laughing and joking. I did skate backwards, but just a little, and just because Wife asked me to show her.

And then we sat down, and had a cup of hot chocolate, and laughed and joked around.

This, by the way, was the first time I was skating on a lake, in open air like that. It had always been a dream of mine. Well, the dream had been to see the streets of Helsinki freeze over so I could skate to school, but this was as close to that as I was going to get. (Because, once, when the gravel road that went past my Grandma’s house froze, I didn’t have my skates, and I could only watch my cousins skate up and down that road. I was probably too much of a hockey snob anyway, and wouldn’t have wanted to ruin my blades).

I told Wife that I’d just take a quick sprint down the ice. She said, “sure,” and off I went. I took off like the time the (Finnish minor minor league) game was tied with only a few seconds remaining.

I had never felt as free as right then, skating down the ice. The wind on my face, the sound of the ice crackling underneath, and the blackness of the lake under the ice. I skated a few hundred meters, spread my arms, and smiled.

Then I stopped to wait for Wife. Manners make man, that’s what they told us the first day of hockey camp in 1982.

She was impressed. I acted modest. And then I asked Wife if she’d like to skate with me. I knew she was tired, so I offered to pull her. I took her hand, and off we went. I pushed on, and I pulled her, and I felt the wind on my face, and I heard Wife’s bubbly laugh behind me, and I thought it was even better than being on a breakaway with just seconds remaining, so I tried to accelerate some more and …

My skate got stuck in a hole in the ice. First, I felt the wind on my face, and then the snow on my face, and then the snow under my jacket and my shirt, and the weight of Wife landing on my legs.

My hat had traveled even faster. My Dad’s old, red-and-white Sisu hat was ten meters in front of me, but I was more worried about the young lady one meter behind me.

“Are you OK? I’m so so so so so so so sorry, I … I’m so sorry,” I said.

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!” said the snowman behind me.

“Are you OK? You’re not hurt?”

“No, ha ha ha, no, I’m fine,” Wife said as we stumbled back up to our feet and skated back to the benches.

And she laughed and laughed, until I started to laugh at her laughing and then we just laughed together. Maybe I kissed her.

Better than getting it in cash at AFV.