Ten classic 80s movies get a Trump’s America remake

Ten classic 80s movies get a Trump’s America remake:

Trading Places
Nature v nurture? Going from from rags to riches? Who cares, the Duke Bros have some orange juice futures to sell and nothing can stand in their way. Enjoy how they scheme their way to billions, while setting up their CEO as the fall guy, and sending a black homeless person in prison.

Randolph Duke: “Looking good, Mortimer.”
Mortimer Duke: “I look better than anyone probably in the history of the world, Randolph!”

The Breakfast Club
To the rest of the world they were Stable Genius, Wife, Daughter-Wife, Son-in-Law, and Sean Spicer, but inside the room, they were the Breakfast Club, sharing stories and Big Macs at breakfast, at 11 am. 

“Genius”: “Do you know how popular I am? I am so popular. Everybody loves me so much at this school.”

Crocodile Dundee
An Australian savage follows a gorgeous Fox News anchorwoman back to New York. Unable to adapt to life in the Big Apple, “Crocodile Dundee” finds himself homeless and out of money, and he chooses a life of petty crime. In the end, he is returned to “Austria” (setting it up for a sequel). 

Savage: “That’s not a knife, this is a knife.”
ICE officer [off screen]: “And this is a Smith & Wesson.”

Raiders of the Lost Ark
A group of fine people sets out to find the lost ark of the covenant. An ophidiophobic university professor and his loser friends try to stop them but they’re no match. The ark is stored and taken care of by “top men”. They’re the best men. 

Belloq: “Look at this. It’s worthless – ten dollars from a vendor in the street. But I take it, put the Trump name on it, and it becomes priceless.”

Back to the Future
A popular kid and his friends take care of a “time traveling” loser Chicken McFly and his loser friend, plutonium thief Demented Doc Brown. When Biff, the king of school, sees his sweetheart Lorraine Baines at a burger joint he just starts kissing her, it’s like a magnet, he doesn’t even wait. And since he’s a star, she lets him do it. Chicken McFly drives off in a, frankly, a very bad car, and is never seen again. 

Doc Brown: “If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything.”
Biff [off screen]: “I have a very good brain.”

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
A high school kid fools his parents and teachers and instead of going to school, he spends the day at a Trump golf course. He shoots 33 in the front nine but gets bored and returns to the club house where he amuses himself by printing Time magazine covers with his own face on them. 

Ferris: “Not that I condone fascism, or any -ism for that matter. -Ism’s in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in himself.”

One brave Environmental Protection Agency officer takes on a gang of “scientists” who destroy a piece of New York real estate. He shuts down their operations by pushing through new regulations. In order to restore two lion statues, he moves them to storage in his own building. He also gets the girl. 

EPA officer: “Back off, scientist. I’m a man.”

The Karate Kid
A Japanese former internment camp resident, now an old man, tricks an American high school kid into washing and waxing his car, and doing other chores. In return he teaches him an illegal karate kick that gets him thrown out of the tournament while the true champions, Cobra Kai, hoist the trophy. 

Miyagi: “No such thing as bad student, only bad teacher.”
Cool white kid: “I was a great student, smart. Very smart.” 

Coming to America
An African prince, a scam artist from a shithole country, fools a restaurateur and his two daughters into opening their home to him and his equally urban sidekick, in an effort to get their African families into the US as well. In the end, they see the light and get honest jobs at a McDowells, working for minimum wage. 

Sidekick: “But where in New York can one find a woman with grace, elegance, taste and culture? A woman suitable for a king.”
Prince: “Queens!”

Throw Momma From the Train
A documentary of the historic landslide victory of Donald J. Trump.

Man 1: “You’re a sick man. You need care and I’m taking you to the police.”
Man 2: “Did you know that Hawaii is a series of islands that was all spit up by the same volcano? I never knew that.”

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