25 reasons why Bob Dylan hasn’t gotten back to the Swedish Academy

“Days after being awarded the literature prize, Bob Dylan has yet to get in touch with the Swedish Academy, or indicate whether he will attend the celebrations.”
– The Guardian, Oct 17, 2016

Swedes! Who do they think they are, thinking that a guy will roll out of bed in the middle of the night just to pick up the phone. Or that he’ll return the call right after he wakes up. Or the next day. It’s not like the world revolves around the Nobel Prize, you know. Here are 25 things that could have kept Bob Dylan from getting back to the Swedish Academy.

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King of Sweden

25. His phone is in his other pants.

24. December 10 doesn’t work for him anyway.

23. The misspelled “noble” in the subject title made him think the email was a scam.

22. He’s tangled up in blue.

21. He’s been partying with Elvis in an undisclosed location.

20. He didn’t appreciate the Academy’s code name – “Barbro” – for him.

19. He finally found a parking spot and is not going to give it up for anything.

18. His phone is stuck on airplane mode.

17. He’s the Jokerman.

16. He’s working his way through a pile of unread copies of The New Yorker.

15. Last time he picked up the phone it was the wrong number. Not wasting time ever again.

14. He’s protesting because the Academy didn’t specifically mention the Traveling Wilburys.

13. He’s trying to find a Pikachu and complete his Pokémon Go collection.

12. He thought twice, figured it wasn’t all right.

11. First, he wants to know what the Nobel dinner menu will look like.

10. He rushed to his closest IKEA for a crash course in Swedish – and got lost.

9. Siri says “I’m not sure what you said, Bob” every time he tries to call the Swedish Academy

8. He’s binge-watching “Nanny”.

7. dylan

6. He lost a bet to David Blaine and is currently inside a huge block of ice.

5. The tape in his answering machine is full and he never got the message.

4. He only communicates via Snapchat these days.

3. He was going to get in touch with them, honestly, but then one thing led to another … a little bit of this, a little bit of that, and you know, long story short, yada yada yada, he didn’t.

2. He got “jinxed” and nobody’s spoken his name yet.

1. He’s Bob-frigging-Dylan

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