End of Days

Is it end of day yet?
I see it’s dark, the sun has set
It’s time for dinner (soup with baguette)
But is it end of day yet?

What about now? Another hour’s gone by
when I fell asleep watching Cobra Kai
Pressed my nose against the window with a sigh
The end of day was not nigh

But the story ends, and it ends well
With a ring of a bell
And a message from a uniformed man named Marcel:
It’s not end of day until you see the man from DHL

Observer’s Report From Planet Earth

Traveller’s log, 76.542.110 Original time (December 31, 2022 Earth time)

Dear Orson,

Apologies, apologies, apologies, O Great One! I hope this report finds you well (fed) even though it may be slightly overdue. The conversion between Original time and Earth time sometimes throws me off. I hope the contents of my report make it worth the wait. 

It’s only been .104 shuzhas since my previous report, but over here it’s been a full one of their units, called “Year”. These “years” seem to go faster and faster, O Big One. Has there been a change in the Sun’s gravitational pull? (I sometimes feel lighter). 

Continue reading

Santa Claus Doesn’t Feel Like It

“Mr. Claus. Santa Claus, Santa. Nick?” the receptionist whispered into the man’s ear, gently waking him up. “You’re next,” she added. 

“Did I fall asleep?” the large man said with a grunt. It wasn’t a question. 

He got up from the armchair with considerable difficulty. He straightened his beard with his hand, got a good grip on his large belt and pulled up his pants. Then he opened the door to the office.

“Welcome, and … merry Christmas!” said the man sitting in a large leather armchair. He had a salt-and-pepper hair, and he was wearing dark glasses, a moss green sweater, and cappuccino coloured corduroy pants. 

“Please, Doc, don’t even mention that word. You know that’s why I’m here,” said Santa, and lay on the couch without saying another word.

Continue reading

James Bond Comes to the Supermarket

Bond opened the fridge door and let out a sigh. No champagne. 

Nor were there any other basic things you might expect to find in a fridge, such as eggs, bacon, chives, or milk. Well, there was never any milk in Bond’s fridge due to his lactose intolerance, but Bond’s conclusion was as expected. 

In other words, no breakfast nor Ms Holly Moley – or anyone else – asleep in his bedroom. 

Bond had only one option. He had to go grocery shopping. 

Continue reading

A doggy-dog world

“My sister Carey had trouble with her husband, who, after a few years, refused to talk directly to her and instead would talk through his Labrador, saying things like ‘Tell her to bring the bloody paper over here.’”
Lady in Waiting by Anne Glenconner

As soon as I woke up, I knew it was going to be one of those days. It was best to put off, whatever it I was putting off, to as late in the day as possible. So I went back to sleep. I hid my head behind the curtain and dozed off.

Master Oliver woke up about fifteen minutes later even though, it may as well have been two hours, I don’t know. I’m not great with times. Let’s just say it was a short enough time for me to feel like I had just fallen asleep but also long enough for me to have dreamt a juicy dream.

You know the ones in which you chase a squirrel through a maze and just when you’re about to catch it, you wake up? I suppose we all have those.

I shook myself awake, from head to tail, and walked around the bed to Master Oliver’s side.

I made my eyes as big as possible. Those puppy eyes always made his heart melt.

Call it a preemptive strike.

Continue reading