The key to being a grumpy old man is being completely self-centered and self-absorbed. If you have trouble getting into the zone, here’s your mantra: “The world is out to get me.” If that seems too grand, and not really you, try this one: “Whaddaya lookin’ at?”
Say that to the first person you meet today, and you can be sure you will instantly get into the right GOM frame of mind.
“Went to the gym last night, again.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah, I’ve found this new thing, I do fifteen minutes with the ergometer, feels awesome.”
Testing … Testing … Never done this before … Trying to write a blog entry on the road.
Not sure if I can say that I am on the road, though. We’re on a ferry to Finland.
To the old country.
I can tell we’re getting closer. The waiters made sure to not look at the line of people wanting to get seated.
Maybe tomorrow I can hear the classic line, from 1999. “Is it OK if I go outside with a glass?”. Waitress’s reply: “I really don’t care.”
I read somewhere – I think it was Malcolm Gladwell that wrote it, either in New Yorker or his blog – about the benefits of being a public writer, i.e. doing his writing in a public place. Like a café.
Like me, right now.
And hey, he’s onto something. There is something to be said about the image of a public writer. The creative type, the intelligent one, the thinker. Here I am!
Americans know customer service like no other nation. Sure, we Europeans laugh and joke about the Americans’ niceties and over-polite waitresses, but hey, it’s better than under-polite which is something we’re way too used to over here.
Now, the French have supposedly made an art of being obnoxious, but we’re not that far behind here in Scandinavia. Or, we’re not obnoxious. We’re just afraid of the Man.
It’s official: the best music ever was written between 1982 and 1987. (The exception to the rule being an obscure British band called the Beatles that recorded a few catchy tunes in the Sixties).
Say you have to taste somebody’s water from his water bottle. Quickly: What is the best way to do it?
Right, right.
A friend of mine, Pailu (not his real name) was just on a ten-day vacation which means that he was on his way home after the alleged (yes, I read big newspapers, and watch Matlock) terrorist plot was foiled in the UK, and after the airlines tightened their security measures.
As you know, all kinds of gels and liquids are now a no-no, so the security person in Lisbon wanted to take a closer look at my friend’s, Sailu’s, (this isn’t his real name, either. Same guy, though) water bottle.
His method?
Sticking his finger into the bottle, and licking it. Stick and lick.
Maybe it’s just me, but I think that’s weird.
Dear blogger,
You seem to have answers to everything. Can it be true?
Best,
Just Jack
circa 1985
Yes, I file this under “humor.” Spede, the star of the video, was a comic genius, but in English, this is funny on yet another level.