Jul 29, '10 : It's amusing

Filed under: Based on true events

Frankly, amusement parks don’t give me much amusement. I can see all the happy people running around, sprinting back to the end of the line to ride the same rides over and over again, but like Steve Butabi told his brother Doug in “A Night at the Roxbury”:
I can't taste it, Doug! I can't! I'm so scared right now I don't know what to do!
Of course, I never say that out loud. That’s just something I tell myself when I’m leaning against a wall somewhere, guarding everybody’s bags, clothes, cameras, while updating my Facebook status, looking as cool as I possibly can.

The author, cool as a cucumber, far right in the photo.

» Continued

Jul 26, '10 : Trendsetter

Filed under: True story

It finally happened. For weeks now, I’ve been walking around wearing a white shoe on my left foot, and a black one on my right, except on a few days when I’ve had a black shoe on my right foot and a white one on my right, and nobody's said anything.

Today, though, when it happened, I was wearing white on left, black on right, and I had just got scrambled eggs, a sandwich, and the local Tampere specialty mustamakkara, a blood sausage.

Everything is not black and white.

» Continued

Jul 24, '10 : The Decision

Filed under: Random

Let’s say you’re in charge of a big science park, a place that introduces science to kids and families. Let’s say you want to have a unique attraction, something to keep people buzzing about your fine establishment for years and years.

Because you know that what you have is pretty darn good. You have all the cool things that people love to try out; the Indian fakir spike mats, the mirrors, the car with the square wheels, and dozens and dozens of other cool tests that explain gravity, light, mathematics, and laws of physics in an entertaining way.

But, like I said, let’s say you also want to spice it up a bit. Would you go with dancing bears, or an Einstein lookalike walking around, solving math problems with the visitors, fireworks in a bottle, or a full-blown particle accelerator?

Or would you instead train rats to play basketball with a ball that - in its former life - used to be in a deodorant roll-on stick? And would you then stop there, or would you create a pro league for the rats?

Jul 22, '10 : Don't speak

Filed under: Random

You know how “they” always say that 80 percent of human communication is body language. Some of them actually throw the numbers around a bit, based on “new studies” - this is where Son would ask me if I meant that ironically, and I kind of do - or whatever happens to suit their message so who knows which number is right. Maybe it’s 55 percent, or maybe 93.

Let’s just agree that it’s very important, muy importante.

Is this a high-five, or is the bigger blonde girl saying, "no more tea, please"?

» Continued

Jul 20, '10 : No sweat

Filed under: True story

“Success is 10 percent inspiration and 90 percent perspiration.”
– Thomas Alva Edison
Terry, my Canadian (exchange student) brother had a buddy called Sweaty. I’ve never met Sweaty, and in the only photo I’ve ever seen of him, he was asleep - or passed out - and not really sweaty, but I’ve always felt a connection to him.

I’m sure you can figure out why.

A former floorball team mate of mine perspired so much that he was nicknamed "Fountain".

» Continued

Jul 18, '10 : Yes, I'm from Finland

Filed under: Based on true events

“What an honor that the amazing Markoolio was born in my fatherland
– Son, July 15, jumping up in joy
You can take the boy out of Finland, but you can’t take Finland out of the boy. Even if the boy sometimes does everything to keep Finland deep, deep, deep down in the dungeons of his soul. All you have to do is trash talk Finland - or tell the boy everything you know about the country - and the boy will come to the country’s rescue, or answer in mono-syllable sentences.

Unless you’re a Finn, of course, in which case the boy will join you in trash talking Finland.

Not like this anymore.

» Continued

Jul 17, '10 : When we were kings

Filed under: Flashbacks

Turns out, I didn’t know anybody. I thought I could put all the names and faces together, but I didn’t recognize my best buddy. I probably would have had somebody asked me to find him in the crowd sitting in the sun, but when he came to shake my hand, I drew a blank.

Then again, he wasn’t sure who I was, either.

Almost like the first day of school.

Except a lot more fun.

Because on the first day of school I cried.

Jul 16, '10 : Those were the days

Filed under: Flashbacks

The last time I saw the dozen or so people I’m about to meet in six hours, Ronald Reagan had just sworn in as President of the United States of America, and a rockabilly fever swept over Finland. No cause and effect, at least I don’t think so, but simply a coincidence.

» Continued

Filed under: True story

The first time my father came home and told my mother that he’d just witnessed a man die, I was about 11 years old. And - at least as far as I know - my father wasn’t a Mob hitman, so this was not an every day occurrence at the house.

He's seen it.

» Continued

Jul 12, '10 : Another caption contest

Filed under: Lighter side

So, what's going on here? Write your suggestion in the comments section.

"Talkin' to me?"

Filed under: True story

I’m writing this in the kitchen of the northern-most Swedish family in the world, looking over the world’s northern-most concrete plant, with my back towards the northern-most hospital in the world. I believe that right now, I may just be the northern-most Finnish freelancer in the world, and for sure, this is my northern-most blog entry ever.

First 1100 kilometers north, then 600m straight up.

» Continued

Jul 09, '10 : Interlude

Filed under: Random

FADE IN.

INT. CAFETERIA - DAY.

Two men standing in line to a buffet table. They work in the same office, but don't usually eat lunch together.

MAN IN A SUIT AND A RED TIE
So, who do you think will win the World Cup?

MAN IN A SUIT AND A BLUE TIE
Oman… I don’t know. I like Samoa.

MAN IN A SUIT AND A RED TIE
You'd like some more what?

MAN IN A SUIT AND A BLUE TIE
Some more Turkey, please. I’m Hungary.

MAN IN A SUIT AND A RED TIE
Sure, help yourself.

MAN IN A SUIT AND A BLUE TIE
Thanks, I was Ghana.

Man in a suit and a red tie steps aside, and lets the man in a blue tie reach for the turkey.

MAN IN A SUIT AND A RED TIE
Anyway, you think Spain can do it?

MAN IN A SUIT AND A BLUE TIE
Norway, India dreams! No, no, they’re Finnished.

MAN IN A SUIT AND A RED TIE
Care to make it interesting?

MAN IN A SUIT AND A BLUE TIE
I’ll bet Macau that they won’t win it.

MAN IN A SUIT AND A RED TIE
Well, OK…

MAN IN A SUIT AND A BLUE TIE
OK, Czech this out: I’ll Sweden the deal, and even predict the score: 1-1.

MAN IN A SUIT AND A RED TIE
But, that’s .. What is that?

MAN IN A SUIT AND A BLUE TIE
Yemen of little faith. That’s my prediction of the World Cup final.

MAN IN A SUIT AND A RED TIE
Sure. Fine. Listen, I have to go now. See ya!

MAN IN A SUIT AND A BLUE TIE
Actually, I have Togo, too.

MAN IN A SUIT AND A RED TIE
Oh, I Bolivia.

FADE OUT.

Jul 06, '10 : Mr. Know-it-all

Filed under: Based on true events

Don't know much about history
Don't know much biology
Don't know much about a science book
Don't know much about the French I took

– Wonderful World, Sam Cooke
Yes, I do know that I love her - and since it looks like a wonderful world to me, she must love me, too – but still, I can’t get over the fact that I really don’t seem to know anything.

Well, I have no problem with that, it’s been a slow but steady process since the day I laughed when our high school biology teacher told everybody in the class that we’d be at our smartest when we graduate.

"Teach, pick me, pick me, I know!"

» Continued

Jul 02, '10 : Agoraphobia

Filed under: Story archives

Here's a column I wrote for Profile, Finnish Aalto University's School of Economics - my alma mater - magazine about the fear of social media.
“Agoraphobia is a condition where the sufferer becomes anxious in environments that are unfamiliar or where he or she perceives that they have little control. Triggers for this anxiety may include open spaces, crowds (social anxiety), or traveling (even short distances). Agoraphobia is often, but not always, compounded by a fear of social embarrassment, as the agoraphobic fears the onset of a panic attack and appearing distraught in public.”

Sometimes you just want to be alone

» Continued

Jun 30, '10 : Poor taste

Filed under: True story

Now that I’ve just tasted coffee, it tops my list of things that taste bad”
– Son, June 28, 2010
Many of the human treats are truly acquired tastes. Who really likes the taste of beer? Coffee? Wasabi? Any kind of alcohol? Blue cheese? I know I didn’t. On the other hand, some of my early favorites don’t taste that good anymore. Like, milk, and specifically breast milk.

I remember how Dad took this photo right after I had run 100 meters in 11 seconds.

» Continued

Filed under: Lighter side

The 117-year-old star in character, Vanity Fair style:

No Flat Stanley.

Jun 28, '10 : Jackson Cage

Filed under: Lighter side

Matti Vanhanen sits in his kitchen and makes coffee. It’s early, the clock’s not yet six, but Vanhanen has already been up for a good half hour. He’s showered, and fed the few animals he keeps on his farm. Four cows, a few pigs, and a camel.

The man in the mirror

» Continued

Jun 25, '10 : Brand new tradition

Filed under: Random

Traditions are funny. Not in the ha-ha funny sense, but the other, the “you’re right, now that I think about it” kind of way. It’s interesting how they are created, and especially how fast things become tradition, or at least the way they’ve “always been done”.

Dance, man!

» Continued

Jun 22, '10 : In character

Filed under: Random

Son, "in character", Vanity Fair style.

Method.

Jun 20, '10 : King of Finland

Filed under: True story

“The Crown Princess waved at me!”
– Son, outside the Royal Castle in Stockholm, June 19, 2010 at 6 pm
We made the trek from our Stockholm suburbia to downtown Stockholm, the self-proclaimed Capital of Scandinavia, now, thanks to the Royal Wedding also doubling as the love capital of the world. The subway ride was free partly to make sure no idiot - especially a Finnish-born idiot - would decide to drive to the city, and partly because the Princess herself wanted to keep her wedding as environmentally friendly as possible.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

» Continued

Jun 18, '10 : A backstory

In hindsight, it was obvious. The unwillingness to admit a mistake and the bossy attitude were there. He even had that certain look, that posture, the quick step in his walk, and the majestic jaw - a “Disney jaw” his old school nurse had called it, the same one who always said he’d grow up to be Somebody.

Beep.

» Continued

Filed under: Letters

Welcome “back”, man.

I know it’s tough to find great participatory journalism projects, something to really throw yourself into these days, and I suppose your “stunt” is just a sign of the times, but still, dude, “to be without Internet”?

Two words, buddy: “Oooooooooooo-ooooh.”

We missed you.

» Continued

Filed under: True story

A few days ago, I heard an interesting radio show about an experiment some Washington Post reporters ran, on themselves.
So when eight Post reporters got to talking about their attachment -- no, addiction -- to their BlackBerrys, phones, Twitter and Facebook, it was only natural that someone said, okay, let's go without, if only for a week. No Web, period. If you need to talk to someone, do it in person or by phone.
Everyone got excited: What would our friends and loved ones think if we didn't respond to their texts and e-mails? Would we be able to do our work? Could we make it five whole days?
Some of them did.

A dramatic photo here.

» Continued

Filed under: Hockey

Here's one from NHL.com. Click here if you want to see it as is in the wild, or keep reading below.

Back in the day, when Finns dominated the world’s car racing circuit, an adage was born: "You need a Finn to win." It hasn't been as apt in the NHL, with only seven Finnish Stanley Cup winners, and with the first three earning their rings with the same team, the Edmonton Oilers dynasty of the 1980s.

No words.

» Continued

Filed under: Hockey

I don’t know how many hours I’ve spent playing hockey, and even less, how many hours I’ve spent sitting in a locker room, or in the parking lot, talking to teammates about the games, and … stuff.
Or how many hours I’ve spent watching, listening to, or reading about hockey.

Let’s just say that I started about 35 years ago, and haven’t quit yet.

Just 500 hours into the journey.

» Continued

Jun 03, '10 : Stanley Cup Magic

Filed under: Hockey

Here's one from the archives, from the pages of Off The Post. A story about Father, Son, and the Stanley Cup.

And he was even happier when he saw the blue travel case.

» Continued

Jun 02, '10 : Hello, neighbor

Filed under: Based on true events

I guess that just like we all like to think of ourselves as great drivers - or at least better than average - we all probably think we’re the ultimate neighbors. Because - realistically - who wouldn’t want to live next to me, right?

Hello, neighbor

» Continued

May 30, '10 : Coming out of the dark

Filed under: Random

Last week, I shared an elevator with a Russian man who was wearing a pink pullover and pink pants. We shared the elevator going down and I went to see if I couldn't find a place where I could buy chips and a Coke, he to see if he couldn't own the dance floor at the Piano Bar in the lobby.

He was successful. I wasn't.

A big man.

» Continued

May 28, '10 : Andy Niemi

Filed under: Hockey

Finnish goaltender Antti Niemi is one of the big stories in this year's Stanley Cup Playoffs. I wrote a piece about him for The Hockey News June 7 issue:
"One day, my father called me to tell me he had been at the local rink to see a junior game and had seen a goalie that impressed him," said Markus Lehto, Niemi's Helsinki-based European agent. "My father is no super scout, but he used to be the CEO of another rink and a team manager with Jokerit, so he knows his hockey."
Still, when his father mentioned "Antti Niemi," Lehto thought his dad was kidding. The only Antti Niemi he knew was the Finnish national soccer team's goalkeeper. But Lehto made a note and went to see the kid.
Read the story here (pdf, 3.1MB).

The one-time Zamboni driver, yes.

May 28, '10 : Now you see me...

Filed under: Based on true events

Of all the superpowers, invisibility is my favorite. I used to love the 1970s show, The Invisible Man. There’s a Finnish children’s book I adored in which the protagonist eats some invisibility powder and walks through walls. I was a fan of another 1970s show the name of which escapes me, but in which the star, named “nobody”, would tug on his scarf, and turn invisible.

Now you don't see him.

» Continued

May 26, '10 : Greetings

Filed under: True story

I admit it, I missed the memo on fist bumps. I guess I was still pretty much on the map when the secret handshakes were around, although the one me and Terry had in 1985 wasn’t ever used. It had three different stages, ending in a finger hook. Maybe even a pointing gesture. But it was never used in a real-life situation.

Nobody’s doing the secret handshakes anymore. It’s all fist bumps. I’m not saying that I don’t like it, because I kind of do. I get the bonding, and in some way, I like most hand gestures: the peace sign, the thumbs up, high-five, and the like.

"G'day, miss"

» Continued

May 24, '10 : Road show

Filed under: Random

Seeing the silver man, the Roman soldier, the clown, and the human water fountain do their tricks - or in silver man's and Roman soldier's case, doing absolutely nothing - on the square outside the Cologne Cathedral made me think what I always think when I see street artists.

The boys are back in town.

» Continued

May 16, '10 : It was the summer of '81

Filed under: Flashbacks

The sports camp is about to end. We’ve had a week of fun, a week of cracking jokes in the dark when we were supposed to be sleeping, and getting ready for the sports activities we’ll be doing the next day. It’s always the same guys, too, with the same jokes, but they’re kind of funny, and I’m the new kid anyway, so I’ll just lie on my mattress and listen. And giggle.

 Me.

» Continued

May 12, '10 : One-man band

Filed under: Hockey

Well, yeah, I guess I can do anything.

I did this

May 11, '10 : Regroup

Filed under: Hockey

It's playoff time and those not playing anymore just have to hit the links.

» Finland Squeaks by Germany

» Nummelin In a One-Man Club

» Born To Be a Goalie

» Russia Starts Road to Gold

» The Little (Red) Engine That Can

» Danish Shock Therapy

May 08, '10 : Familiar faces

Filed under: Random

Well, maybe not faces, but names that make me think of familiar faces. In Germany, everybody is Anders.

H

May 08, '10 : Village of people

Filed under: True story

I went through high school in a city with a population of about 50 000. Not a huge city, in other words, but still a major town in Finland, well-known and all.

That person there is a person.

» Continued

May 06, '10 : Exclusive

Filed under: Based on true events

COLOGNE – The hotel room is nice. Small, but nice, and the view over the Cologne cathedral to the left, and the hockey arena to the right keeps him focused.

“They’re my two cathedrals,” says Risto Pakarinen, a Finnish hockey reporter, in Cologne to cover the 2010 IIHF World Championship.

To the uninitiated, that means the hockey world championships.

Um, ice hockey.

Starting tomorrow, Mr. Pakarinen and his three IIHF.com writer and two photographer colleagues will cover all 56 games, ending in the final that will be played on May 23. By then, Mr. Pakarinen will have used every piece of clothing in his suitcase.

“Probably, yes. But most of it just once,” he says, sitting in an armchair, examining his media accreditation.

“Next year, I have to get a better photo. I’m not really that fat, am I? It’s the fisheye lens they have in them web cameras,” he says.

Outside his hotel, the euro could be crumbling, the Crown Princess of Sweden might break her engagement, and ABBA could announce a secret comeback, and he wouldn’t know.

Some 1408 kilometers northeast of the hotel, garbage cans were emptied today, because Mr. Pakarinen lifted them to the curb in the morning, but for the next 19 days, for him, days will have no names. He goes from game day to game day, in a haze.

He says he likes Germany. Or, the little he’s seen in a day. A tram, a McDonald’s, a hotel, and a hockey arena.

“I saw people offering free hugs to strangers in the old town. That’s nice, right?” he adds, and looks at his accreditation.

“And I get free food with this. That’s nice, too.”

Free!

May 04, '10 : To the Worlds

Filed under: Webmaster

Mr. Pakarinen is off to the IIHF World Championship 2010 tournament in Cologne, Germany so I wanted to give you a heads-up about the fact that there will be hockey stuff here as well. Hope you enjoy it, even if you're not a big hockey fan. He usually keeps it pretty light, so let's hope he'll write mostly about things that are non-game related, because, really, those who care can just log on IIHF.com and see all his stuff and because - this is just my opinion - that stuff is so much more interesting.

Just a reminder, you can follow him on Twitter as well. (His latest tweet is also posted here, you'll see it in the left sidebar).

– Webmaster

Let's play hockey.

May 02, '10 : Intern

Filed under: True story

I’ve always spent a lot of time with Dad at work. It was at the backroom of my uncle’s store he made all those hockey masks for me, and it was the same store where I crashed through the glass door. (I was trying to be as cool as Dad and his colleagues who ran up the three stairs inside the store, opened the door, and kept on running.)

When Dad took a job at another store, I followed him there, playing my first games of Pong there, and having endless hours of fun with a typewriter, and a pencil and a fan.

Sami Kapanen, left, being interviewed by Son.

» Continued

Filed under: Random

For a guy who still has the 18 'Til I Die T-shirt from Bryan Adams's 1996 European Tour and several other T-shirts that are twice as old as his kids, I feel surprisingly confident with my ability to spot – and even better, to create – fashion trends.

The Magician

» Continued

Apr 26, '10 : Naming rights

Filed under: Flashbacks

There’s nothing like a nickname to date you. Not to the whole world, but in relation to your buddies. What works in high school, may not work in the adult world. Sometimes people outgrow their nicknames. That’s why the Finnish Minister of Foreign Affairs doesn’t want to be called “Tico”, like when we played minor hockey against each other, but Alexander.

Ripe.

» Continued

Apr 24, '10 : Great minds

Filed under: True story

She came running from behind me, and swooshed by, with a quick step, arms pumping up and down, giving her the beautiful rhythm I think she has. I've said it a hundred times, I'll say it again: Daughter knows how to run!

She stopped, and opened her jacket, then took it off, ignoring Wife's and my protest.

"I'll wear it, I'll wear the hood over my head. Just the hood," she said, then asked me to help her put on the jacket so the hood was over her head.

I did, and then kept on walking. Two seconds later she came running again - oh, so beautifully - yelling that she was a superhero.

I did the same thing when I was a kid as did surely millions of kids around the world. I would wear my yellow bathrobe an jump down from the benches in the sauna dressing room, pretending I was flying. I know I haven't told Daughter about that, so it must be an idea that just occurred to her. And to millions of kids around the world.

We all want to be superheros. We all want to be powerful. We all want to be special. Only the heroes change.

In her head, Daughter was Batman.

Jumping down from that bench in a Helsinki suburb decades earlier, I wanted to be Super-Goofy.

I coulda been a contender

Filed under: Random

Every day, at around 2.45 pm, I get in the car and drive ten kilometers south, to the Finnish School in Stockholm, to pick up Son and Daughter. Or, every day when I’m not at the Olympics or the hockey World Championships for a couple of weeks at a time. But, as a rule, I’m at the school and kindergarten at three, and then we drive back up, singing, and talking about their day – and Star Wars.

We’re back home at 3.45, the latest, and then we hang around about an hour, before it’s time for me to start to cook dinner. When the kids are sick - I hear Daughter coughing now - or have a random Easter holiday, they can stay at home with me.

A could-be office

» Continued

Apr 21, '10 : Bosses

Filed under: True story

“Ha ha, like your old boss”
– Wife, on Swedish Prime Minister Fredrik Reinfeldt sticking his fingers up his nose while watching hockey.
Bosses, I’ve had a few. But then again, too few great ones to mention. I’m probably not an easy employee, and it’s not because I want to be difficult or because I think I’m smarter that the rest – although I understand that even writing that as a possibility probably qualifies me as a jerk – or because I ask tough questions. I sometimes do ask silly questions and I often tried to make everybody laugh at a company meeting, back when I still had bosses.

These days, I have clients.

Beware.

» Continued

Apr 19, '10 : Caption contest

Filed under: Random

What exactly is going through his mind? Leave your suggestion in the comments. The winner will receive the high resolution image with the thought bubble s/he penned in it, in return email.

"Think, Roger, think!"

Filed under: True story

When I moved to Sweden over twelve years ago, I told my parents that it wasn’t such a big deal because “Stockholm is closer to Helsinki than Joensuu is”. Helsinki was my hometown then, and Joensuu theirs.

It’s true. The distance between Stockholm and Helsinki is 398 kilometers, while the Joensuu-Helsinki trek is a 440-kilometer one (and I know every inch of it).

The office

» Continued

Filed under: True story

I’ve gone retro. I’ve gone back to using a pencil. Trying to, at least.

Pens have always been my luxury item. I’m not big on rings or bracelets. I’m not a shoe collector, and the odd days I wear a watch, it’s my ten-year-old plastic watch with The Phantom’s face on it, and the text, “The Phantom, the man who never dies”. I like watches, but I’m too cheap to get the really nice ones.

True story.

» Continued

Apr 08, '10 : Mormor

Filed under: True story

When I first met Wife and we started dating, she lived not far from where we live now. It’s a ten-minute drive from our house to the cul-de-sac where the other yellow house is. My place across town, on the south side, about a five-minute walk from our first apartment together, was an 18-minute drive from her. But that’s in the middle of the night, with no traffic, and with some speeding.

The best

» Continued

Apr 05, '10 : Some piece of work

Filed under: Random

“I hate luck!”
– Son
We all hate luck when it works against us, don’t we? In Son’s case, the luck he so much despised was the wind in my sails as I moved my two knights into a striking position, about to kill his king in our friendly Easter holiday afternoon game of chess.

 Men in black

» Continued